The F-Word You Need to Succeed

The F-word you need to succeed

Entrepreneurship is simple, not easy by any means, but simple. The more questions I ask, the more women I talk to, the more entrenched I get into my own business, the more I realize that creating a business can be summed up with a few key words. One of those words is focus.

Focus

When creating or running a business, your first focus should be on your mission. What are you trying to accomplish? You should have a clear statement of your intent. For instance, my mission is to educate, empower, inspire and support female entrepreneurs in creating financially, intellectually and emotionally rewarding businesses.

Why is a mission statement important? So you have criteria in which to:

  • define your ideal client
  • evaluate all your opportunities,
  • create your brand
  • coordinate your marketing efforts to reach your ideal client,
  • design all your products and services

Everything that I do in my business falls under one of the four categories: educate, empower, support and inspire.

Defining my mission statement was actually the easy part. Lately it’s been my day-to-day focus I’ve had problems with. It’s easy to get caught up in things like worrying about money or get sidetracked with stuff that doesn’t effect your bottom line (i.e. fancy office space when you could work at home) or taking course after course on various topics. Not that any of these things are bad, per se, but when you are just starting out, your focus should be on making sure you are adding value by solving some sort of problem and finding the people who have that problem and are willing to pay for it.

Let’s look at a couple of these distractions individually.

  • Money – I’m not discounting the fact that money is one of the reasons we create a business. After all, part of my mission is about creating financial success. But part of the planning process of a new business is to have a financial cushion. That means either starting your business part-time while you’re still working full-time or having enough in savings you’re willing to invest in yourself and your idea. Money’s been a top distraction creating my business but I realized that when I am focused on my lack of income, first of all I am focused on scarcity, which creates a desperation mindset. Since I believe that we all emit energy, this negative energy attracts only more negativity. Creativity doesn’t do well in such an environment and closes me off to new possibilities as well as people who could help. Second, thinking about money takes my creative energy away from creating value (i.e. products and services), which is what’s going to make me money!
  • Courses – My inbox is full of people hawking their courses – everything from creating podcasts to using video to create a six figure income in three months. While I’m a big fan of learning, I’ve become more discerning about following my own path and choosing what works and feels best for my business. I still read tons of books and take courses but they need to fit my criteria. Be aware if you are signing up for every course you get an email for. Sometimes it’s an avoidance tactic. The best education is getting out there and doing it. There is no way you are going to know everything you need to know before you start your business. As I’ve said before, not knowing is the path.
  • Fears – Fear of success, fear of failure, fear of rejection, so many fears. Often when we are avoiding something it’s because we are focused on our fears. The best thing to do is get them out in the open and address them. Fear of rejection was my biggest fear but I learned to stop focusing on me and focus on how I could be of service. Fear of failure is another one. Failure can be a terrifying word. Quit using it. You didn’t fail, you got feedback. Failure is a dead end while feedback is information you can use to move forward.

I’ve come up with a little trick to get me back on track when I lose focus and start worrying – I have three questions I ask myself:

  1. What did I learn? How will I apply it? Who can I teach it to?
  2. What value did I add?
  3. Who did I connect with?

These questions remind me that learning is a vital part of building a business. Adding value keeps me focused on activities that are the core of my mission: empower, educate, inspire and support. And at the heart of a business is connecting with others – even those that aren’t your ideal client.

What are you focusing on?

 

 

 

Emotional Intelligence

I recently attended a presentation on Emotional Intelligence  given by leadership expert and author Dr. Joe Serio.

Emotional intelligence is understanding and recognizing ours and the emotions of others and managing them, according Dr. Serio. The “game” (of job hunting, relationships, life) is about feelings. “It’s not about what you know, it’s about how you feel about what you know.” Your thoughts and beliefs often determine how we feel so emotional intelligence is about how you can better yourself and achieve your goals.

There are four parts to emotional intelligence. The first two are about you and the last two are about how you interact with others.

  1. Self-awareness – What are you telling yourself? What do you believe? What stories are you carrying around? Introspection can be painful as we hold onto past hurts and let them spill into our conversation.
  2. Self-management – how do you behave? Can you control your emotions or do you fly off the handle at the slightest offense?
  3. Social awareness – I have a friend that called it social fluidity – the ability to adapt to different personality types and find common ground in order to make a connection. Are you aware of social cues such as body language?
  4. Relationship management – How are your relationships? If you don’t know, ask them.This can be scary but listen even if you don’t like what they say ask what you can do differently.

As with everything else, it starts by asking yourself: who am I? What do I want? How am I going to get it? Clarity and focus is  the key. Once you’ve answered these questions, the next thing to figure out is your strategy for getting it.

You do have a strategy right? (Winning the lottery is not a valid strategy). Here’s the thing, as Dr. Joe said, in order to have something you’ve never had you have to do something you’ve never done. Nothing is going to change by playing it safe. If you’re not getting the results you want then do something different (I’ve said this multiple times).

Even when you have a strategy, we get stuck in a rut. “Everything happens outside of your comfort zone,” Dr. Joe reminds us.

What keeps us inside our comfort zone? Fear. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success, so many fears. Dr. Joe calls it a “what if” life when we give away our energy and power by mentally playing out negative scenarios.

So how do we manage our fears? He gives us a seven step process as follows:

  1. Acknowledge your fears. What we resist, persists.
  2. Identify it – As Alex Korb, UCLA neuroscience researcher and author of The Upward Spiral, listening, labeling and acknowledging our emotions lessons their impact. It has such a powerful effect on the brain that it is used in mediation, mindfulness and by FBI hostage negotiators.
  3. Measure it – how afraid are you? We let our fears get away from us by being hyperfocused on it and believing it’s real.
  4. Imagine the worst case scenario. Is it really all that bad in the grand scheme of things? If it is, at least you’ve identified the situation and the first step in solving a problem is identifying it.
  5. Gather information and support. Ask other people how they handled this situation. Not only does this help you get ideas on how to deal with the situation, but also let’s you know you’re not alone. Other people have faced what you are and gotten through it.
  6. Contemplate your past success with change. You’ve made it through other problems, changes, etc, you can get through this too.
  7. Celebrate!

The bottom line is – events are neutral, it is our response to them that determines our outcomes. What we believe about ourselves determines how we think. We rarely examine our thoughts and beliefs, they’ve become habit, we aren’t even conscious of them. Awareness is the first key. Listen to what you tell yourself and question whether it is helping or hindering you. You always have a choice to think differently which will affect your emotional state.

Overcoming Procrastination

Overcoming Procrastination

Procrastination is a common problem. Clients often tell me that it’s a huge problem for them. But procrastinating is not the real problem, it is merely the symptom of an underlying issue.

Before I get too deep into procrastinating and how to overcome it, I’d like to talk about incubation. When in the creative process or working out a problem, it is typical to go through a “ruminating” phase, when you turn over all of your work to your subconscious and give it a chance to work on the problem. This is where those “aha!” moments come from. Do not confuse this important phase with procrastination. You should be able to tell the difference. For me, when I’m letting ideas percolate, my thinking is fuzzy. I feel slightly agitated because I don’t like not knowing. When I am procrastinating there is a feeling of avoidance and resistance.

Procrastination – Why we do it

As I previously stated, procrastination is not a cause but a symptom of a larger and more complex issue. Some of the reasons why we procrastinate include:

  1. Fears – Fear is uncomfortable and we often choose to relieve our discomfort by distracting ourselves with T.V., surfing the web, cleaning (notice how appealing cleaning is when faced with something you don’t want to do?), etc.
  2. Lack of confidence
  3. Perfectionism – As a recovering perfectionist, I understand how hard it can be to risk doing something that doesn’t live up to your (often unrealistic) expectations. In order to avoid making a mistake, looking bad or failing, our modus operandi is to do nothing.
  4. Bad habits – We become comfortable with our routines and bad habits and don’t realize how big of a hold they have on us. Habits are hard to change.
  5. Expecting things to be easy – If things have been relative easy for you all your life, taking on something that requires an effort can be, well, hard.

Tools to Overcome Procrastination

While it helps to understand and be aware of where our procrastination stems from, these tools don’t require identifying the origin in order to be effective.

Small Steps

Break down what you need to do into the smallest step possible, such as sticking with the task for 5 minutes. Small steps actually works on several levels. First, getting started is often the hardest part. When I am avoiding a task, I often tell myself I only have to do it for 5 minutes. It seems counter intuitive, how will you accomplish anything if you only do it for 5 minutes but it works. If I stop after 5 minutes, I’ve achieved my goal (and built up a little confidence). But what happens more often than not, is I continue because I’ve broken through that wall of inertia and gained some momentum.

Second, we often overwhelm ourselves by making that first step unrealistic. I used to make these ridiculous schedules, leaving little breathing room for anything else. And -surprise – I never followed them! It’s much less daunting to write a sentence than a book so break things down. Then break them down even further.

Find a Buddy

Find someone who is also working on a goal. Make it a habit to meet and work on your goals together (5 minutes at a time, if you have to), supporting and cheering each other on. Be picky about who you choose. I’ve been running consistently for nine years because I had a running partner when I started. Not just any partner, but someone who already had a running habit making it hard for me to back out. I knew if I did she would not go easy on me. She was the perfect partner because her good habits rubbed off on me and appealed to my competitive nature.

What Worked in the Past?

This is a powerful question. It gets our minds thinking about what we are trying to accomplish instead of what’s getting in our way. We procrastinate because we are focused on the negatives – I’ll make a fool of myself – instead of what we are trying to accomplish. We all have areas we’ve had success in and feel confident about. What did you do then that you can apply to your current situation?

You can not tell me that you’ve never had any success in your life. If you are reading this, you’ve mastered one of the hardest skills there is and you did it at a relatively young age – language and the all intricacies involved with it such as reading and writing.

I have found these tools to be easy to use and produce incredible results in a short period of time. Give them a try the next time you find yourself procrastinating.