The Law of Attraction

The Law of Attraction

My knowledge of the Law of Attraction comes from three books I recently read (in this order): Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting by Lynn Grabhorn (Grabhorn wrote her book six years before The Secret came out), The Law of Attraction, the Basics of the Teachings of Abraham by Esther and Jerry Hicks and Dr. Wayne Dyer’s The Power of Intention.

Grabhorn’s book was a good introduction to the concept, less “woo-woo”. The Hick’s book helped fill in some of the missing holes. It definitely requires you to open your mind a bit more, but by the time I read it, I was receptive to its message. Dr. Dyer’s book only mentions the law of attraction once but after reading the first two books it was obvious to me what it was about. He comes at it from the perspective of intention, citing Shaman and eastern religious philosophies.

Grabhorn’s book was the first published, followed by Dyer’s and then Esther and Jerry Hick’s book (their book was the catalyst for The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, which I have not read but I did see the video.)

The Cliff Notes version of the Law of Attraction is this: You get what you focus on.

The concept is that we are all made up of energy. Energy vibrates at different frequencies and like a tuning fork (or magnets) like attracts like. Our thoughts and beliefs create energy in the form of our emotions and it is these feelings that determine how we’re vibrating. When we feel good, we are vibrating at a high frequency. When we feel bad we are vibrating at a low frequency. So the key is to direct our focus to the things we want – that make us feel good – so we’ll attract more of it into our life. It’s remarkably simple – in any situation all you have to do is pay attention to how you feel. If you feel good, you’re on the right track. If you don’t, then you need to redirect your focus or reframe your thinking until you do.

Is it easy? Hardly, because we’ve become so conditioned by habits of thoughts and false beliefs that it is hard to tap into that pure feeling of joy. Most of us have been brought up to focus on the negatives. Think of how many times we heard the word “no” or “don’t do that.” when we were children. And it continues into adulthood. We tend to think about what we don’t want (I don’t want to be fat) or what we lack (I wish I had a better job). Even when we do focus on what we want, we don’t believe we can have it (I want a Porsche but…).

This is hardly new stuff. It’s been written about by all the major religions. The great Greek philosophers talked about it. More current (and still popular) contributors include James Allen’s little tome – As a Man Thinketh – written in the early 1900’s and Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich.

I’ve noticed it in my own life and I’m sure you can bring up examples too. I can think back to my last fender bender. It was raining and the thought going through my head was “The road is slippery, I hope I don’t slide into a car” and guess what I did – slid right into a car!

It’s taken me awhile to be receptive to the Law of Attraction. First of all, some might view it as “airy-fairy” stuff. “Sure,” you might say, “all I have to do is wish I had a million bucks and it’s going to be delivered to my door by some genie on a flying carpet <eye roll>”. And reading the Hick’s Law of Attraction is going to require an open mind because the Abraham they are referring to in the title is a collective of beings channeled through Esther Hicks. Don’t let your skepticism keep you from reading it.

But the underlying message does make sense. Admit it – when you’re in a good mood it seems like everything is going your way. And when you wake up on the “wrong side of the bed”, you just can’t seem to catch a break, it’s one disaster after another. You wonder why you bothered getting up.

Applying the law of attraction is simple. All you have to do is figure out what you REALLY want and focus on it. You can tell if you are doing it right because you will feel good. If you feel bad, then you are focusing on a don’t want, lack of or some other negative thought/belief. Change your focus or reframe your thoughts until you feel good. You don’t have to monitor every single thought you have, you don’t have to examine why you have these thoughts, all you have to do is be aware of how you are feeling.

Here’s the thing many people miss, this isn’t about wishful thinking, you do have to take action. Creating is a verb, after all, and the whole point is to deliberately (as opposed to by default – which is a huge portion of the population) create the life you want. The creation process begins in our heads – we must think it into being, we must see it, visualize it and expect that we’ll get it and then we will be inspired, guided or led to take perfect action. Through our vibrations we will draw the people, events, things, ideas, etc into our life so we can create what we want with ease. “Action that comes from the feeling of inspiration is action that will produce good results,” according to Abraham in The Law of Attraction. In Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting, Grabhorn writes “Does this mean we stop doing? Of course not. We just substitute inspired doing for wasted doing by stopping our constant knee-jerk responses to everything…Action becomes a joy instead of a ‘have to’.”

When we work from a negative perspective, when we are desperate, needy, angry, etc. any action we take is like trying to climb uphill pushing a boulder.

So what does this all mean in terms of creating a business?

The big takeaway for me is to be very clear about what you want and focus on it. What kind of business do you want? What problem are you solving? Who do you want to serve (your ideal client) and get as specific as possible. Only when I was crystal clear on what I was trying to achieve with my business (my vision and mission) and who my ideal client was (it took me over a year of working at my business to figure all this out) and focused solely on that, did it start to grow.

What has been your experience with the law of attraction? I’d love to hear your opinions, comments and stories.

3 Tools to take action on your goals

3 tools to take action on your goals

What percentage of people do you think achieve their New Year’s resolutions? 50%? 33%? 12%?

It’s actually 8%. I’m not surprised. We sincerely want to quit our bad habits, pursue our dreams and be our best selves, but when it’s time to work on our goals, why are we suddenly compelled to clean out the vegetable drawer – or is that just me? Our intentions are good but our follow through, well, sucks.

To make matters worse, when I set goals I think I have superhuman powers and put unrealistic demands on myself and my time – who needs sleep? I never questioned this approach and each time I felt like a failure because not only did I NOT reach my goal, I barely got started.

I thought I lacked discipline but the problem wasn’t me, the problem was my approach. I didn’t need iron-clad willpower, what I needed was a system that took me from planning to DOING. Action is the only way to build momentum and create new habits and I’ve discovered a few tools that helped me move through my fears and resistance to reach my goals.

But first, I’d like to talk about how our brain works. Our brains have 3 parts:

  • the primitive brain handles our survival instincts,
  • The limbic is our emotional brain and is used for building social bonds.
  • The neocortex is the thinking brain, used for logic and reasoning.

For goal-setting purposes, it’s important to know that when you experience fear or stress, the primitive brain is going to override the thinking brain. Every. Single. Time. It’s going to do everything in its power to alleviate that stress. My unrealistic plans triggered some fear and my primitive brain reacted, thus the overwhelming desire to clean the fridge. I needed a subtler approach so my brain worked for, not against me. The tools that work for me are: break it down, the 5 minute plan and low expectations.

1. Break it Down

In my previous process, to use a writing analogy, I tried to jump from never writing to a finished novel overnight. It’s like expecting a baby that just learned how to roll over to start running. I was depriving myself of the learning opportunities in all those little steps and the habits and confidence they built. I finally realized that achieving a goal means growing into it, one step at a time.

2. Commit to 5 Minutes

The 5 minute plan is a another great tool to overcome resistance. I actually thought I could work 3 hours a night, 5 nights a week and another 16 hours on the weekend to work on my goals, in addition to my full-time job and everything else life threw at me. And I wondered why I couldn’t get started! Then a coach suggested I turn it down a notch and start with 5 minutes. It seems counter-intuitive, What could I accomplish in 5 minutes? Never mind that I wasn’t accomplishing anything before

Here’s the thing, getting started is often the hardest part and 5 minutes is ridiculously easy and non-threatening (remember that primitive brain?), that it was easy to commit to. And if you know Newton’s First Law of Motion, an object in motion tends to stay in motion. Five minutes is usually all I need to overcome inertia and get the ball rolling.

3. Lower Expectations

The final tool is lower your expectations. Now, I’m not saying lower your standards, always do your best. Just accept in the beginning your best might not be all that good. But in order to improve you have to practice. I read about a pottery teacher that did an experiment. He told one class that they would be graded on the quantity of pots they made. He told another their grades would be based on one pot. The class that was graded on quantity actually produced the best pots. Why? Practice! They were focused on the process while the one pot class was focused on the product. In the beginning quantity is more important than but will eventually lead to quality. It’s the process, all that practice that matters, not the product, which is just the end result. So quit worrying about how good it is.

Pursuing our goals is gratifying but the path is seldom easy. It’s good to have some tools that we can use that work with our brain to get us started as well as get us back on track if we slip into old habits when the novelty and excitement of our goal wears off. When you are having trouble getting started I challenge you to apply breaking things down, the 5 minute plan and lowering your expectations.

Goal Setting – Don’t wait until you “feel like it”

goal setting“I just don’t feel like it” is one of the biggest killers of hopes and dreams. If you wait until you feel like it, chances are it’s never going to happen. Let me explain.

Goal Setting – Act First, Feelings will Follow

We set goals as a way to have control over our life. But you can set all the goals you want, until you take action they are all just dreams. And having unfulfilled goals (especially if you repeatedly set them…) can wear away at our self-esteem.

So how do we become doers instead of dreamers?

Our behavior is actually made up of four components: thinking (thoughts), feeling (emotions), doing (actively moving our bodies) and physiological (automatic responses like sweating). The key to achieving our goals is to focus on action instead of our thoughts and feelings.

We have no control over our physiological responses and little over our feelings. We do have some control over our thoughts but the component we always have control over is our actions. All of these components act together, you can’t change one without it affecting the other. Most of us make the mistake of trying to feel our way into doing something. If you’re depressed or down on the dumps, forcing yourself to cheer up before you do anything is not going to accomplish a lot. But that’s what we do, we wait for our feelings to pass or change because we think they are happening to us so we have to wait until they are no longer happening to us.

It is possible to change your feelings by changing your perspective but given you have total control over your actions, and the only way you’ll get what you want is by taking action, this is the most productive place to start. There are tons of things we can do, regardless of how we feel. Perhaps you’ve heard of the phrase “act as if…” or “act your way to a new way of feeling”. This works because as I previously stated: you can’t change one component of your behavior without it affecting the others. Since doing is the component we have the most control over, it’s what we should focus on. When you do something it will change how you think and feel. Instead of trying to feel your way into doing something, you need to do something and your thoughts and feelings will change.

Focusing on doing in spite of our feelings will take some awareness and practice. Don’t underestimate the power of your feelings. You’ll probably experience some resistance. First, acknowledge the feeling. Denying our feelings can negatively affect our health. Listen to it, give your emotions a safe place to vent (I find writing is helpful…) and then go do something. It’s best to start with small steps. If you’re depressed, make an effort to brush your teeth, shower and get dressed. When you do something, no matter how small, you are taking back control of your life. Practice doing something whether you feel like doing it or not. I bet there have been days you didn’t feel like going to school or work, but you went anyway so keep practicing. Start doing small things and see what happens.

 

 

 

Goal Setting – A little self-knowledge goes a long way

Goal Setting

In my last post, I talked about the formula for successfully achieving our goals. When you’re setting goals, a good place to start is knowing what makes you tick. We all have goals but if you want to increase your odds of actually realizing them, it’s important to know if you are setting the right goals. I can’t stress the importance of this. One of my goals was to go to college. I chose my major because it was the least repulsive of all the business majors, never even considering if I would like the jobs it would get me. I paid the price of that poor decision for decades!

Goal Setting – The First Step

The first step to setting a goal is to assess your personal preferences, what NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) refers to as meta programs. Basically, it’s how you like to operate. Some of us are detail-oriented, some of us are big picture. Do you prefer to work independently or do you thrive in a team – these sorts of questions.

It’s important consider how you work best and if your goal aligns with those preferences or if you’re going against your grain, so to speak. Now, I’m not suggesting you don’t take on new challenges and learn new skills, that’s the reason for goal setting. I’m saying achieving your goals will be easier if you can find a way to do it that utilizes your preferences and strengths. It’s criteria to evaluate not only which goals to set but also how you choose to accomplish them.

For instance, a common goal is to start an exercise program. Many people will rush out this time of year and spend money on fancy machines (which later become very expensive clothes racks…) or on a gym membership. Because that’s what we are programmed to think of when we think “exercise”. I don’t know about you, but I hate going to the gym and none of my memberships have lasted very long.

When this happens, our self-esteem takes a huge hit. We blame ourselves – we lack discipline and willpower and go back to our comfortable, sedentary lifestyle feeling like a failure.

But the problem isn’t us, the problem is we picked the wrong exercise. There are many different paths to achieving our goals, it’s up to us to find the right path, one which makes it easier for us to commit to the challenges we’ll face along the way. So if you don’t like the gym, try yoga, dancing, jump rope, martial arts, running, walking, swimming…you get the idea.

When setting goals, give it some thought. First, is this a goal you really want? Second, is it well suited to your temperament? Can you leverage your strengths?

How do you know if your goal is something you’ll ultimately be happy you spent your precious time on? The truth is, sometimes you won’t know until you try it. For major goals (i.e. going back to school, switching careers), I suggest a trial period before investing too much time and money. Do some research, talk to people who are doing what you want to do. See if you can do some volunteer work or an internship. Otherwise you might feel obligated to stay with it even though you hate it.

I thought it would be fun to be an interior designer but the reality of what one actually does vs. what I thought they did convinced me to stick to decorating my own home for fun.

Humans are goal-oriented. Part of this journey we call life is setting goals and seeking out new opportunities to challenge ourselves and grow. The first step before embarking on any goal is to make sure it’s a goal you truly want and pick the plan best suited to your personality.

If you are having trouble achieving your goals and feel like you are spinning your wheels, check out my book Stop Dreaming About Your Life and Start Living It, Reignite your passion for life by achieving your goals.