New Year’s Resolutions?

It’s that time again. Humans, by nature, are goal driven though I’m not a regular resolution setter. But I do use it as a time to reflect on how my year went and what I want to accomplish in the next year. 

Most people, however, don’t follow through on their resolutions. Only 8%, to be precise. I’m not surprised. We sincerely want to quit our bad habits, pursue our dreams and be our best selves, but when it’s time to work on our goals, why are we suddenly compelled to clean out the vegetable drawer – or is that just me? Our intentions are good but our follow through, well, sucks.

In the past, when I set goals, I used to think I had superhuman powers and put unrealistic demands on myself and my time – who needs sleep? I never questioned this approach and each time I felt like a failure because not only did I NOT reach my goal, I barely got started.

I thought I lacked discipline but the problem wasn’t me, the problem was my approach. I didn’t need iron-clad willpower, what I needed was a system that took me from planning to DOING. Action is the only way to build momentum and create new habits and I’ve discovered a few tools that helped me move through my fears and resistance to reach my goals.

But first, I’d like to talk about how our brain works. Our brains have 3 parts:

  • the primitive brain handles our survival instincts,
  • The limbic is our emotional brain and is used for building social bonds.
  • The neocortex is the thinking brain, used for logic and reasoning.

For goal-setting purposes, it’s important to know that when you experience fear or stress, the primitive brain is going to override the thinking brain. Every. Single. Time. It’s going to do everything in its power to alleviate that stress. My unrealistic plans triggered some fear and my primitive brain reacted, thus the overwhelming desire to clean the fridge. I needed a subtler approach so my brain worked for, not against me. The tools that work for me are: break it down, the 5 minute plan and low expectations.

The first tool is to break our goals into manageable tasks. Writing a novel is daunting, but if we break it down into chapters, pages or even better yet, paragraphs, it seems doable. In my previous process, to continue my writing analogy, I tried to jump from never writing to a finished novel overnight. It’s like expecting a baby that just learned how to roll over to start running. I was depriving myself of the learning opportunities in all those little steps and the habits and confidence they built. I finally realized that achieving a goal means growing into it, one step at a time.

The 5 minute plan is a another great tool to overcome resistance. I actually thought I could work 3 hours a night, 5 nights a week and another 16 hours on the weekend to work on my goals, in addition to my full-time job and everything else life threw at me. And I wondered why I couldn’t get started! Then a coach suggested I turn it down a notch and start with 5 minutes. It seems counter-intuitive, what could I accomplish in 5 minutes? Never mind I wasn’t accomplishing anything before

Here’s the thing, getting started is often the hardest part and 5 minutes is ridiculously easy and non-threatening (remember that primitive brain?), that it was easy to commit to. And if you know Newton’s First Law of Motion, an object in motion tends to stay in motion. Five minutes is usually all I need to overcome inertia and get the ball rolling.

The final tool is lower your expectations. Now, I’m not saying lower your standards, always try to do your best. Just accept in the beginning your best might not be all that good. But in order to improve you have to practice. I read about a pottery teacher that did an experiment. He told one class that they would be graded on the quantity of pots they made. He told another their grades would be based on one pot. The class that was graded on quantity actually produced the best pots. Why? Practice! They were focused on the process while the one pot class was focused on the product. In the beginning quantity is more important than but will eventually lead to quality. It’s the process, all that practice that matters, not the product, which is just the end result. So quit worrying about how good it is.

Pursuing our goals is gratifying but the path is seldom easy. It’s good to have some tools that we can use that work with our brain to get us started as well as get us back on track if we slip into old habits when the novelty and excitement of our goal seeking wears off. The new year is right around the corner. I challenge each of you to apply breaking things down, the 5 minute plan and lowering your expectations to your goals and this just might be the year you join the 8% club!

A Heart to Heart with my Ego

I don’t remember where, but I read that if you treat your feelings as if it was a separate entity and talked to them like you would a friend, it would be a good way to manage/lessen them.

I’ve been working on self-acceptance, trying to purge the voices in my head that tell me I’m not good enough unless someone tells me I am. Being rejected has always been a huge fear. Maybe, it’s because, as Helene Brenner says in her book, I Know I’m in There Somewhere, that my parents defected instead of mirrored my “wonderful sparks of life that announce, ‘This is who I am.’ “. It doesn’t really matter, what matters is that I’m aware of it and how it’s constraining me. I want to let it go.

So while I was stuck in traffic, I decided to have a talk to my ego by imagining that she was sitting in the back seat. (My ego is a little spoiled child and she speaks in a high pitch, whiny voice…if you have kids, you know the voice…)

The conversation went something like this:

Me (M): Why are you being all pouty? I’m trying to concentrate on work and you’re diverting my time and energy on something irrelevant and you’re making me feel like crap. I need to focus.

Ego (E): I want everyone to like me!

M: You have lots of friends, lots of people who love and adore you.

E: But you don’t love and adore me. Have you heard how you talk to me?

M: I mean, sometimes I get down on you…

E: Do you ever have anything nice to say to me? NO! You have no faith in me. You don’t think I can do anything. You’re constantly doubting everything I do, comparing me to other people, worrying about my weight…

M: Wow, is that really all I ever say to you?

E: Feels like it…

M: Are you telling me that all this acting up and diverting my focus is because you need to feel loved and appreciated?

E: Exactly!

M: What would I need to do to make you feel loved and appreciated?

E: I don’t know. Remember when we were kids?

M: Yeah. As a matter of fact, I was just looking through some old photographs. I love the picture of us on Grandma’s chair. It must have been some sort of holiday. We’re wearing a party dress and our hair is curled. I love our smile. It’s one of my favorite pictures. Why can’t we take cute pictures like that now?

A heart to heart with my ego

E: Because you’re all judgy, that’s why. “No, don’t take my picture, I’m not photogenic.” (read with a mocking, sarcastic tone, again, if you have kids…)

M: Well it’s true

E: So not only can’t I do anything right, you don’t like the way I look…

M: That’s not what I said.

E: That’s what I heard!

M: O.K., sorry, I feel like we’re getting a little off track. What about our childhood?

E: I don’t know, it just seemed like we were friends back then. We played and laughed and now it just feels like you’re always criticizing me. I feel anxious and unloved.

M: Well, we were kids then. We were carefree. Life isn’t like that now. I have responsibilities. Don’t I take care of you? I exercise, eat right…

E: So the only thing you care about it how I look?

M: No! I’m doing this for your health. We’re not young anymore and I want us to be active and healthy for however much time we have left. It’s not about looks.

E: You are such a liar!

M: OK, it’s kinda about looks. I’m not going to lie, I like being thin.

E: Kinda? Pfft. You wanna know why I’m so needy? Wanna know why I’m in a constant state of anxiety, wondering what other people think of me? Hoping I’ll get some sort of appreciation? DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?

M: (in a very small voice) I know why.

E: SAY IT!

M: (at this point I’m crying and hoping the other drivers didn’t notice) Because I think the only thing special about us is being thin. Sometimes it feels like that’s the only thing I’ve ever gotten any attention for.

Dear readers, this is a very deep and personal revelation for me and it wasn’t easy to share it but if telling it resonates with just one person and helps them, it was worth it.

We all have stories we’ve told ourselves. Some expand us and some keep us small and trapped. It doesn’t matter where they came from, but over time we’ve reinforced it to the point that it becomes buried in our subconscious and when triggered, we react. The problem is, this habitual pattern of behavior keeps us trapped in the past. Our reaction is not a reaction to the present moment, where we are always free to choose, we are reacting to a story from our past.

Here’s my takeaway from this “conversation”. While in reality I am a fairly well-rounded/balanced person if you consider the “life” wheel (family, work, spirituality, personal growth, etc), in my mind (the things I say to myself) I’ve been hyper focused on only one thing – my weight. It’s like everything else I’ve ever done was insignificant. I clearly remember the events in my life that created this story, pivotal moments that sent me down this unfortunate path. As a child who felt invisible, having people comment about my weight suddenly got me attention. Now that I am aware of this, I’m making an effort to restore some balance, to focus on the other things I’ve accomplished  as well as my talents and gifts – my creativity, my compassion, my sense of fun and play, my discipline, my mad cheesecake making skills…

I also realize I’ve built up a protective wall around myself. But I can see now how the only thing it was protecting was my self-limiting story. I’ve been told I’m hard to read and I always thought that just my introvert personality. And maybe that is a part of it, but maybe it’s because I never felt safe sharing my feelings. That people would judge me, see me as “less than” so I just buried them, walking around with this poker face. Slowly I’ve been letting my guard down. And no one’s run away screaming yet.

I’m trying to pay attention to how and where I dishonor myself. Every time I do something I really don’t want to do or don’t speak up for myself, avoid a conversation and continue to bury my feels only validates, in my mind, that what I think, feel or believe isn’t important, leaving my ego on the constant search for someone “out there” to make her feel worthy and appreciated. It’s about taking care of myself – not just physically, but emotionally. To bring myself peace and joy.

The fact is sometimes our pain can be our greatest source of strength. This personal discovery has cracked me open, as Rumi would say. It’s given me perspective, understanding and compassion for myself and others. We don’t know what stories other people are telling themselves but we always have a choice on how to respond in the present moment. We can choose to give them the benefit of the doubt, that they’re dealing with demons we can’t imagine and to show some compassion.

 

3 Tools to take action on your goals

3 tools to take action on your goals

What percentage of people do you think achieve their New Year’s resolutions? 50%? 33%? 12%?

It’s actually 8%. I’m not surprised. We sincerely want to quit our bad habits, pursue our dreams and be our best selves, but when it’s time to work on our goals, why are we suddenly compelled to clean out the vegetable drawer – or is that just me? Our intentions are good but our follow through, well, sucks.

To make matters worse, when I set goals I think I have superhuman powers and put unrealistic demands on myself and my time – who needs sleep? I never questioned this approach and each time I felt like a failure because not only did I NOT reach my goal, I barely got started.

I thought I lacked discipline but the problem wasn’t me, the problem was my approach. I didn’t need iron-clad willpower, what I needed was a system that took me from planning to DOING. Action is the only way to build momentum and create new habits and I’ve discovered a few tools that helped me move through my fears and resistance to reach my goals.

But first, I’d like to talk about how our brain works. Our brains have 3 parts:

  • the primitive brain handles our survival instincts,
  • The limbic is our emotional brain and is used for building social bonds.
  • The neocortex is the thinking brain, used for logic and reasoning.

For goal-setting purposes, it’s important to know that when you experience fear or stress, the primitive brain is going to override the thinking brain. Every. Single. Time. It’s going to do everything in its power to alleviate that stress. My unrealistic plans triggered some fear and my primitive brain reacted, thus the overwhelming desire to clean the fridge. I needed a subtler approach so my brain worked for, not against me. The tools that work for me are: break it down, the 5 minute plan and low expectations.

1. Break it Down

In my previous process, to use a writing analogy, I tried to jump from never writing to a finished novel overnight. It’s like expecting a baby that just learned how to roll over to start running. I was depriving myself of the learning opportunities in all those little steps and the habits and confidence they built. I finally realized that achieving a goal means growing into it, one step at a time.

2. Commit to 5 Minutes

The 5 minute plan is a another great tool to overcome resistance. I actually thought I could work 3 hours a night, 5 nights a week and another 16 hours on the weekend to work on my goals, in addition to my full-time job and everything else life threw at me. And I wondered why I couldn’t get started! Then a coach suggested I turn it down a notch and start with 5 minutes. It seems counter-intuitive, What could I accomplish in 5 minutes? Never mind that I wasn’t accomplishing anything before

Here’s the thing, getting started is often the hardest part and 5 minutes is ridiculously easy and non-threatening (remember that primitive brain?), that it was easy to commit to. And if you know Newton’s First Law of Motion, an object in motion tends to stay in motion. Five minutes is usually all I need to overcome inertia and get the ball rolling.

3. Lower Expectations

The final tool is lower your expectations. Now, I’m not saying lower your standards, always do your best. Just accept in the beginning your best might not be all that good. But in order to improve you have to practice. I read about a pottery teacher that did an experiment. He told one class that they would be graded on the quantity of pots they made. He told another their grades would be based on one pot. The class that was graded on quantity actually produced the best pots. Why? Practice! They were focused on the process while the one pot class was focused on the product. In the beginning quantity is more important than but will eventually lead to quality. It’s the process, all that practice that matters, not the product, which is just the end result. So quit worrying about how good it is.

Pursuing our goals is gratifying but the path is seldom easy. It’s good to have some tools that we can use that work with our brain to get us started as well as get us back on track if we slip into old habits when the novelty and excitement of our goal wears off. When you are having trouble getting started I challenge you to apply breaking things down, the 5 minute plan and lowering your expectations.

Who Owns the Problem – Taking Back Control

Who owns the problem - taking back controlDiane is intelligent, driven and stuck in a dead end job. “Why do I always settle for boring jobs I’m overqualified for?”, she asked in a recent session. “I know I have so much more to contribute but whenever I see a position that really interests me, I always seem to find some excuse why I’m not cut out for it.”

Melissa, on the other hand, has been the rising star of her company. She was recently promoted to a managerial position. But her star is starting to look a little tarnished. Her boss sat her down recently because her department wasn’t hitting its goals. She thinks her former coworkers are jealous of her success and trying to sabotage her.

What do these two women have in common? In order to find the solution they need to figure out who owns the problem.

Whenever you are stuck, blaming someone else or making excuses chances are  you are either taking ownership of a problem that’s NOT yours or avoiding a problem that IS yours.

After some further questioning, Diane told me she paid for her college education although her parents footed the bill for her brother. Her father didn’t see any point in a woman getting an education. His expectations for Diane didn’t go beyond getting married and having children. The message she got was women aren’t as worthy. All through college, her father constantly called her “Miss High and Mighty” for daring to want more. And while she did graduate from college, her father’s message became the tape that played in her head. Diane was taking responsibility for a problem she didn’t own. It was eating away at her self-esteem and keeping her trapped in jobs well below her skill level. She had internalized her father’s opinion instead of viewing it as just that – HIS opinion. She didn’t own the problem – her father did.

Melissa charged into her managerial position like a bull in a china shop. She implemented changes and then started micromanaging her team. Her team rebelled and dug their heels in and productivity dropped. Melissa didn’t see how her managerial style was affecting morale and tried to pass off her problem on to her coworkers, blaming them for not hitting the goals. After overhearing one of her employees call her “The Dictator”, she questioned how her behavior might be affecting everyone else. She took ownership of the problem and began changing how she interacted with her team.

We all want control over our lives and the answer to “who owns the problem” is all about who has control. When you are owning someone else’s problem, like Diane, you are letting someone else control you. When you are blaming someone else for your problem, you are trying to control them. The only person we have control over is ourselves so it’s important to take care of our own problems.

 

How to Stay Motivated

How to stay motivated

Why is it 92% of us who make New Year’s resolutions abandon them before January is even over?

A new year means a new beginning. We reflect on how much (or little) we accomplished the last year and promise ourselves this year will be better/different. This year we’ll lose the weight, finish our degree, get a better job, travel more, etc. Our enthusiasm and optimism is running high – we are motivated with a capital M. But sometime before February 1 we start running out of steam, we are stressed, tired and end up falling into our same old habits and routines.

How to Stay Motivated

How do we keep up our enthusiasm for our goals in the “real” world?

  1. Come up with a compelling “why”. What is the reason for wanting this goal? To feel better, make more money, find a sense of purpose, be more fulfilled? It should be personal (i.e. something you feel strongly about achieving, not something your parents/significant other/boss/friends think you should do).
  2. Make it positive. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – make your “why” positive. You will be focusing on it a lot and it’s hard to stay motivated if your constantly pounding away at the negative. For instance, if your goal is to lose weight (even the word “lose” has a negative connotation), focus on the positive benefits such as better health, feel better, have more energy (your compelling “why”) instead of “I don’t want to be fat”. With the latter, fat becomes your focus and you’ll end up with more of it, not less! Examine your goal, if achieving it makes you feel like you have to deprive yourself, you need to either find another goal or get a different perspective on the situation.
  3. Envision the end result. Create a vision for life after you’ve reached your goal. Imagine what you’ll look like, how you’ll feel (joy, pride, confidence, peace, etc). The key is to make your vision as vivid as possible to tap into strong, positive emotions. I make it a habit to think about my goals right before I fall asleep because our minds are in a receptive state. Another way to keep your vision front and center is to create a vision board or post pictures on your bathroom mirror or fridge. The pictures you choose should evoke a positive emotion.
  4. Break your goal into small steps. Maybe your goal is to lose 50 pounds. That’s a pretty daunting goal – it can feel out of reach when you’re just getting started. Break your goal down. Commit to losing two pounds this week. Feels much more doable.
  5. Find a buddy. Find a friend who is working on goals (they don’t have to be the same goals) and check in with each other. First, having someone support you, cheer you on, bounce ideas off of and bitch to is helpful. Secondly, if you’re like me, I tend to find it harder to break a promise or disappoint someone else so I tend to step up my game.
  6. Celebrate the wins. Don’t wait until you’ve achieved your goal, celebrate all the small little wins along the way. Find ways to celebrate that won’t throw you off track or sabotage your progress (such as treating yourself to a donut when you’ve lost 2 pounds). It could be something simple like hitting the neighborhood park, watching an episode of your current Netflix obsession, indulging in a hot bath with candles and music, any little treat you wouldn’t normally do.
  7. Learn from the losses. There will be times when things don’t work out so well, maybe you backslide. Forgive yourself, learn from it and move on. Maybe it’s a sign you need to take a different approach. Maybe you’re pushing yourself too hard and need some downtime. But don’t use it as an excuse to give up. One slip doesn’t mean failure. It means you’re human.

 

Quit Depending on Willpower

Willpower is ineffective in achieving goalsThe American Psychological Association does an annual survey called Stress in America. The most cited reason for not being able to follow through on changes (such as losing weight) is willpower.

What is Willpower?

Willpower is self-control. The ability to delay gratification, a strong determination, or restraint. Willpower is a tool our conscious mind uses to help us control our lives. It carries a negative connotation – deprivation. It is an ineffective way to achieve goals.

Why Willpower is Ineffective

To illustrate why, I’ll share with you what I learned in my neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) training.

Willpower is an ineffective tool to changeThink of your mind as an iceberg. The tip of the iceberg, the part that is above water, represents your conscious awareness. In addition to willpower, we also use rational and analytical thinking as a way to control ourselves. Unfortunately, only about ten percent of what we do, we do consciously.

Below the water line lies the rest of the iceberg, our subconscious mind. This accounts for 90% of our behavior. Herein lies our habits, physiological systems (ie. breathing), impulses and emotions and our strategies for dealing with our world.

When we employ willpower to make changes in our lives, such as weight loss, we are only using ten percent of our mind. However, the other 90% is running the show. You are pitting logic (conscious mind) against emotions and deeply ingrained habits and strategies. As a result, willpower is always going to be a struggle.

If you want to elicit real, permanent change, you have to get your subconscious on board and leverage its power.

Imagination is More Effective than Willpower

There is a reason why diets fail and you have trouble breaking bad habits (habits of thought included).With willpower, you are in a constant battle with your subconscious mind. The odds are against you and your subconscious mind is going to sabotage your efforts.

Instead of having your subconscious fight you, (willpower creates stress by exerting force) you want to win it over so it will work for you. How do you do that?

Luckily, we have the perfect tool – imagination. Imagination is positive and affirming. Using our imagination diminishes stress and opens up our creative channels instead of strong-arming us into submission, like willpower.

Change in itself is often stressful. The key is to find the path of least resistance, make it as easy and fun as possible. Imagination and visualization helps us do that. There are a couple of guidelines to make this work:

  1. Know your “why” – what is motivating you to make this change?  What result or outcome do you want? Just because your spouse, boss, parent, etc said you should do it is not enough motivation and chances are you won’t succeed. Make it personal and meaningful to you.
  2. Make it positive – When you have your why, the reason you want to make this change in your life or why you want to achieve a goal, make sure it’s positive. When times get tough (and there will be some rough patches), your “why” is going to be your life preserver. It’s going to remind you of the big payoff of all this hard work. You’re going to be giving it a lot of focus, so make it positive. If you’re goal is to lose weight because you are tired of being called a fat slob, then all that’s going to do is dredge up bad feelings. And if you’re an emotional eater, next thing you know you’re shoving down donuts as a means to comfort yourself. Instead, focus on the positive aspects of losing weight – having more energy to play with your kids, feeling better, etc.

Once you determine your reasons for making a change/achieving a goal are truly yours and you are motivated to do it, you can enlist the power of your imagination and use visualization instead of willpower.

Note: Imagination/visualization are tools to keep you motivated and should be used in conjunction with action, not instead of. Without action, you aren’t going to achieve anything.

How do you use imagination to help create positive, permanent change? Find a (preferably) quiet place. Giving yourself time right after you wake up or right before you go to bed is ideal but you can do it anywhere – while on the train/bus to work, waiting in line, drinking your morning coffee, taking a shower, etc. Then use your imagination to visualize any of the following scenarios. Make it as real as possible, include sounds, smells, sensations, etc. Evoke as many positive emotions and feelings as you can.

  1. Visualize your life after you’ve accomplished your goal. If it’s weight loss, imagine how you will look in your new clothes and how confident you feel. Picture your new found energy, imagine just how much better you feel when you can climb up stairs or playing with your (grand) children without getting winded. Focusing on the end result will help keep you motivated.
  2. Mentally rehearse. Our brains don’t distinguish between real and imaginary events (which is why our bodies react to imaginary fears as if they were really happening). Athletes employ this technique all the time but it can be used for any situation. You can rehearse a speech, visualizing yourself in front of the crowd, appearing confident, enjoying yourself.
  3. Vent your emotions.Change is hard and one of the things that trips us up is our impulses and emotions. And since what we resist, persists, give them a voice and acknowledge them instead of burying them. If you don’t, eventually they’ll rear their ugly little heads and the littlest thing will push you over the edge. Instead, invite all those emotions in – fear, jealousy, doubt. You can give them names and personalities. Let them have their say and vent. You can do this in your head or you can write it out in a journal, which is my favorite method. The point is, acknowledging them diffuses their power.

When you use these tools, you’ll achieve your goals with less stress because you’re leveraging your subconscious mind with the power of your imagination instead of trying to force yourself through willpower. In other words, which would you prefer, a boss who is a drill sergeant or someone who acts more like a mentor?

 

 

Mindset – the First Step to Success

Mindset - The First Step to Success

Everything we do is an attempt to control our lives and despite what you may think, we are not controlled by external, but by internal forces – what we think and believe. In other words, our mindset.

The definition of mindset is a “particular way of thinking, a person’s attitude or opinion about something, an inclination of habit”. Nowhere does it mention “truth” or “facts”. This is because your mindset is merely your way of thinking, your perspective, your habits of thought. It’s not reality, it’s your version of reality. In “The Four Agreements”, Don Miguel Ruiz refers to it as a dream. It isn’t carved in stone and set for life. You can choose to change it at any time, by reframing the meaning you give it, especially if it’s not serving you.

In my own struggles to create a career I love, I realize now that my biggest obstacle wasn’t my age, lack of the “proper” degree, money, time or any other excuse. My biggest obstacle was my mindset. You are what you think.

Mindset – 5 Qualities to Foster

When considering what goals to focus on,  examining your mindset is a good place to begin. Of course, your habits of thoughts and beliefs aren’t going to announce themselves, they operate subconsciously so this is not a one time exercise. You’ll need to bring a lot of awareness to your thoughts and question them.  Are they helping or hindering you – and weed out the ineffective ones. Five qualities of a constructive mindset are: self-acceptance, a belief in yourself, optimism, resourcefulness and curiosity.

Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance is about living from your genuine voice, “to the truth of your inner being in all the ways that it speaks to you and live from it” as Helene G. Brenner Ph.D describes it. The problem a lot of women have, myself included, is too often we let other people’s opinions, desires and assumptions govern us. We find fault and constantly tell ourselves we are “not enough”. When we listen to our authentic voice we realize that we don’t have to fix, change or improve anything to be happy. There is no test to pass, conditions to meet or anything to prove in order to pursue the life we want.

Belief in Yourself

When you believe in yourself, you have the confidence and faith that you are capable of doing what you need to do. You believe you have control over your life and you accept the responsibility and consequences of your actions.

We all have varying degrees of confidence depending on our interests and experiences. I’m a confident public speaker but not so confident in my computer skills. Competence breeds confidence, the more practice you’ve had doing something, the more confident you will be.

Optimism

Being hopeful about the future is important. It doesn’t mean ignoring the harsh realities of life, it means you choose to remain confident things will work out. As Winston Churchill said “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

Resourcefulness

Being able to skillfully and imaginatively deal with difficult situations is a valuable skill. Nothing worthwhile comes easily. So many dreams have died a premature death, not because of a lack of money, but a lack of resourcefulness and creativity. They put all their eggs in one basket and hope it works. Successful people always have a plan B, C…Z, if needed. They don’t focus on the problem or the limitations. They focus on what they want and how they can accomplish it. It’s about making do with what you have, as the U.S. Marine Corp says – improvise, adapt and overcome.

Curiosity

Resourceful people are inquisitive. They want to learn about everything. They’ll take things apart to see how they work, ask lots of questions and like to explore and investigate. They have an open mind and are willing to see other perspectives. Avoid jumping to conclusions, making assumptions or value judgments. 

A good way to start cultivating a positive mindset is to first practice becoming aware of your thoughts and beliefs. Become aware of how a thought feels. When you think it, do you feel tense? Angry? If so, then challenge it. If it isn’t helping you, then it’s time to think differently.