Everything we do is an attempt to control our lives and despite what you may think, we are not controlled by external, but by internal forces – what we think and believe. In other words, our mindset.
The definition of mindset is a “particular way of thinking, a person’s attitude or opinion about something, an inclination of habit”. Nowhere does it mention “truth” or “facts”. This is because your mindset is merely your way of thinking, your perspective, your habits of thought. It’s not reality, it’s your version of reality. In “The Four Agreements”, Don Miguel Ruiz refers to it as a dream. It isn’t carved in stone and set for life. You can choose to change it at any time, by reframing the meaning you give it, especially if it’s not serving you.
In my own struggles to create a career I love, I realize now that my biggest obstacle wasn’t my age, lack of the “proper” degree, money, time or any other excuse. My biggest obstacle was my mindset. You are what you think.
Mindset – 5 Qualities to Foster
When considering what goals to focus on, examining your mindset is a good place to begin. Of course, your habits of thoughts and beliefs aren’t going to announce themselves, they operate subconsciously so this is not a one time exercise. You’ll need to bring a lot of awareness to your thoughts and question them. Are they helping or hindering you – and weed out the ineffective ones. Five qualities of a constructive mindset are: self-acceptance, a belief in yourself, optimism, resourcefulness and curiosity.
Self-acceptance is about living from your genuine voice, “to the truth of your inner being in all the ways that it speaks to you and live from it” as Helene G. Brenner Ph.D describes it. The problem a lot of women have, myself included, is too often we let other people’s opinions, desires and assumptions govern us. We find fault and constantly tell ourselves we are “not enough”. When we listen to our authentic voice we realize that we don’t have to fix, change or improve anything to be happy. There is no test to pass, conditions to meet or anything to prove in order to pursue the life we want.
Belief in Yourself
When you believe in yourself, you have the confidence and faith that you are capable of doing what you need to do. You believe you have control over your life and you accept the responsibility and consequences of your actions.
We all have varying degrees of confidence depending on our interests and experiences. I’m a confident public speaker but not so confident in my computer skills. Competence breeds confidence, the more practice you’ve had doing something, the more confident you will be.
Being hopeful about the future is important. It doesn’t mean ignoring the harsh realities of life, it means you choose to remain confident things will work out. As Winston Churchill said “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
Being able to skillfully and imaginatively deal with difficult situations is a valuable skill. Nothing worthwhile comes easily. So many dreams have died a premature death, not because of a lack of money, but a lack of resourcefulness and creativity. They put all their eggs in one basket and hope it works. Successful people always have a plan B, C…Z, if needed. They don’t focus on the problem or the limitations. They focus on what they want and how they can accomplish it. It’s about making do with what you have, as the U.S. Marine Corp says – improvise, adapt and overcome.
Resourceful people are inquisitive. They want to learn about everything. They’ll take things apart to see how they work, ask lots of questions and like to explore and investigate. They have an open mind and are willing to see other perspectives. Avoid jumping to conclusions, making assumptions or value judgments.
A good way to start cultivating a positive mindset is to first practice becoming aware of your thoughts and beliefs. Become aware of how a thought feels. When you think it, do you feel tense? Angry? If so, then challenge it. If it isn’t helping you, then it’s time to think differently.